Farewell, Digby Thanoscar

Although it is strange to say, it must be said. It’s time for me to go. After three years and two weeks of providing the J-DHS community with news, it is time that I move on in my life. I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seats, thinking what will he do next? I wish I could say it’s something crazy, like skydiving or running from the IRS, but it’s not. I’m done running from the IRS; I want to retire and live the rest of my life quietly evading taxes. One thing I’ve wanted to do for years is to go on a road trip— and there’s one place that really stood out. Ever since I was a child, I had heard rumors about a place so great that every man or woman must visit before they die, a place where roads were paved in gold. Hence, I am happy to announce that I’m going on a road trip to Flavortown. 

Ultimately, my decision came down to feeling as though I need something new. Although J-D is definitely a top 50 high school in the area for me, you can only cover so much. After essentially reporting the new Watergate and covering the effects of inflation, I have been bombarded with new opportunities. I’d be a fool to not move on.

I hope I have brought you all some laughs and a better understanding of who you are, all while keeping the community updated on important events happening in school. I don’t know what YamPage, or the world for that matter, will do without my reporting, but I’m sure you’ll manage. Before I conclude, I thought I should give you a comprehensive list of my favorite articles I wrote in my career.

Coming in at number five, we have “Math Curriculum Excludes Quadratics in Order to “Flatten the Curve.” To be honest, I don’t like the article too much, but the headline. It’s just too good. In the number four spot we have “Fallout 2021: J-DHS” to be released July 8th.” Once again, this isn’t because the article is good, rather the photo took me hours to obtain and render. Cracking the top three we have “Chemistry and Biology Teach Students the Life Lessons of Loss and Acceptance.” There’s just too much truth in this article to not make it one of my favorites. At number two we have “Inflation Hits J-DHS—Students Now Need Two Hall Passes.” This was just too much fun to write. I urge you to read it if you missed this one—real groundbreaking reporting. And finally. My favorite article I wrote in my career. It was a tough choice, but it has to be “Top 10 Conspiracy Theories On Why the Blue Hall is Still Under Construction.” The images and one-liners in this article make it really stand out to me. You may have noticed that all of these articles have something in common; they’re all relatively recent. But that’s the beauty of writing. As time goes on, you pick up and refine your skills. YamPage will be held dear in my heart. Aveline, whenever you post a new article, know there will always be someone to read it. Not me, but I’m sure Agatha’s still around.

Digby Thanoscar
Digby Thanoscar is a proud New Yamsterdam native with a background in botany and underwater welding. When not writing for Yampage, Thanoscar enjoys watching "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives," and writing long Twitter threads on why it’s an objectively better show than "Chopped." On the rare occasion "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" isn’t on, Thanoscar can be found playing Papa’s Freezeria. Thanoscar hopes to visit Flavortown with David Scibilia (‘22).