Agatha Smoot
Agatha Smoot is an elite butter churner from Willow Canyon, Arizona. After 57 years of butter churning, she found the career had become too intense to continue full time and decided to pursue other passions. Smoot packed her bags and moved to Jamesville, New York in 2017 for the sole purpose of starting a career at Yampage. Since then, she has dedicated herself to providing the best, juiciest, and most accurate stories of the happenings at JD High School, though she continues to participate in butter-churning competitions on the weekends. Her other hobbies include candle making, scarf knitting, whittling, and hot yoga. Rumor has it, Smoot lives deep inside the unused locker of Emily Ninestein (‘21) and will only respond to Xtra Cheddar Goldfish or acapella performances of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pi Day Promises to Be a Day to Remember
Back by popular demand, Pi Day will once again be celebrated in full force at J-DHS this year. That’s right: in 2021, the high school is finally giving the under-appreciated holiday the recognition it...
The Most Successful Senior Skip Day on Record
Nearly 100% of the senior class was reported to have been out of the building for the duration of that school day. Actually, if we are being precise, 99.6% of the senior class; Tyler Aitken was reportedly informed of the Senior Skip Day, but decided to attend school anyway “as a matter of principle.”
12 Days of Yam Recipes
However, if you aren’t confident enough in your cooking abilities to take on these recipes just yet, not to worry. Mr. Hartley has just announced that he will be coming out of food-vlogger retirement to create twelve step-by-step tutorials assisting new chefs in their holiday yam preparation.
No-Shave November in Turmoil
“Mr. Comfort’s goatee was truly a source of joy for so many of us students. I knew that action had to be taken in order to resurrect this precious icon; a symbol of strength and adaptability amongst chaos; order in a world where so little can be depended upon.”
Students Accidentally Get High Off School-Sanctioned Sanitizing Wipes, Form Giant Conga Line
Some students reported experiencing lightheadedness and uncontrollable giggling, while others swear they remember Mr. Sommer performing a waterless synchronized-swimming routine. (Despite our best efforts, Yampage has been unable to confirm nor deny the occurrence of this event).
Seniors Up in Arms Over Freshman Orientation Days
“Can someone please explain to me why we are ‘helping’ the freshmen?? I thought the whole idea was for them to be scared and confused… smh #ThisIsNotMyJD #RespectTraditions,” read a tweet shared by Tyler Aitkin last week.
Hand-washing Video Elicits Chaos and Confusion
In their latest efforts to slow the spread of COVID-19, JDHS administration decided to present students in grades 9-12 with what they believed to be a highly informative and educational video entitled “How to...
Seniors Reflect on What They’ll Miss Most About JD
In her interview, Wynnie Gross revealed that she had been sticking a piece of gum under one desk in Mrs. Oppedisano’s room every single school day for 2 years. She was disappointed that she wouldn’t get to finish her masterpiece, but, always one to look on the bright side, told us that “there wasn’t that much room left anyway.”
7 Yam Recipes to Try in Quarantine
Our 7 delicious recipes are sure to bring warmth and happiness to your home and your families will be thrilled when you finally move from the lifeless position that you have been stuck in for the past three days.