As the 2021-2022 school year starts up, teachers have been tirelessly working to finalize their curriculum. English teachers are freshening up on “Beowulf” and science teachers are preparing to explain that students should not leave the gas from their bunsen burner on. However, math has had a slight change this year.

“I was told not to teach the quadratic formula this year even though it is nearly essential to my class,” Mrs. Sullivan said in an interview. “How can I prepare my students for the SAT or any math above geometry without x equals negative b plus or minus the square root of b-squared minus 4ac all over 2a?” 

Because encouraging mask-wearing in New York has not worked to as high a standard as the state government would like, they were forced to take action in the classrooms. Mr. Gasparini received a letter from New York State Governor Kathy Hochul with the following excerpt, “We need to teach students to flatten the curve. As a result, we cannot teach quadratic functions. Linear is okay, but no quadratics. If you can only teach y equals x equations, that would be even better. Attached you will find the first page of review for this year’s Regents exam.”

The first page of a 2022 Regents exam only features y=x equations.

This mandate is subject to change at any point, however. If there is a significant decrease in COVID-19 cases in Onondaga County, J-DHS teachers may be able to go back to their normal curriculum. But until then, J-DHS students should be looking towards a very straightforward year of math.

Digby Thanoscar is a proud New Yamsterdam native with a background in botany and underwater welding. When not writing for Yampage, Thanoscar enjoys watching "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives," and writing long Twitter threads on why it’s an objectively better show than "Chopped." On the rare occasion "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" isn’t on, Thanoscar can be found playing Papa’s Freezeria. Thanoscar hopes to visit Flavortown with David Scibilia (‘22).