Aries: You are the victim.

Taurus: You are the victim. 

Gemini: You are the victim. 

Cancer: You are the victim.

Leo: You are the victim. 

Virgo: You are the victim. 

Libra: You are the victim. 

Scorpio: You are the victim. 

Sagittarius: You are the victim. 

Capricorn: You are the problem.

Aquarius: You are the victim. 

Pisces: You are the victim. 

Tretyakov Dmitriy (Dima) Stepanovich
Dima was a snake milker, crisis actress, and professional funeral goer for 27 years, before pursuing a degree in journalism (with two minors in Egyptology and Bagpiping and being in the LARPing club, not to brag) from Hamburger University in Oak Brook, Illinois. She relocated to Syracuse after graduating because she thought it was actually called Syrupcuse, and assumed this meant it was the maple syrup capital of the world, which makes no sense because this is America, not Canada. While in Syracuse, she got this job at YamPage by telling the interviewer that her mother had cancer and this job would help her pay the medical bills, which was entirely untrue, and Dima used the money instead to fund her miniature sculpture collection depicting life in Soviet Russia. She has since fled to a closed off area of the woods in the Adirondacks and built a log cabin by hand in order to avoid taxes and also other people, so if you need to contact her it would be best to do so through her previously conjoined twin before the illegal surgery they had in New Zealand, Becca Fitzgerald (‘22).