Monday, January 27, 2020

Unbelievable!

New Auditorium Looks Suspiciously Old

On November 19, the new auditorium held its first concert. However, parents expecting a new high tech auditorium were pleasantly surprised to...

Flipped Classroom-Induced Nausea Apparent In Math Students

When asked about his inspiration for the flipped classroom, Clinton replied: “You’re either a yoga monkey or a paint salad. If you’re a paint salad, you do things the old way and you don’t bother to try anything new, to step out of your comfort zone. I like to think I’m a yoga monkey, except it’s like that monkey got access to a lot of glue and velcro.”

Flashing Blue Light in New Auditorium Causes Student Confusion, Disappearances

Is it aliens? Could it be the ghost of Ren McCormack from the 2017 production of Footloose returning to strike his revenge on act II? Or maybe, in a twist of fate, it’s our Italian overlords, seeking justice for their stolen tiles, now laden throughout our building’s bathrooms.

JD Fine Arts’s Hall of Rejects

Fishman attempted to prove to us that Phish has at least five good songs by citing Vanity Fair’s article The Top Five Most Tolerable Phish Songs. Unfortunately, the author of the article was only able to think of four.

Bounty Placed on Freshman Who Called Harvard A Safety School

“They’re in for a rude awakening,” says senior Gigi Lecomte as she aggressively knocks back an espresso shot. “I mean really? How DUMB do you have to be to think Harvard is a safety school? They don’t even know what’s coming! They don’t even know.” Unfortunately our interview with Ms. Lecomte was cut short, as she had to go write supplements about traumatic events that never happened to her.

The Freshmen Just Keep Getting Smaller

JAMESVILLE-DEWITT HIGH SCHOOL--As we settle into this new school year, many upperclassmen are wondering, “Did the freshmen get smaller this year?” 

Mr. Comfort Ditches Lesson Plan to Teach Through Memes

I was not sure whether to be happy or afraid. The class looked at each other quizzically, but happy to not have a test. I was able to capture some of the memes, but my Canon EOS R Mirrorless Digital Camera was taken away for having technology out during class.

New Fire Alarm Causes Disruption at JD

“May I have your attention please. May I have your attention please. There has been a fire emergency reported somewhere in the...

New Global Teacher’s Alter Ego Revealed

One freshman said that in the middle of sixth period Global, Mrs. Delaney received a call on her classroom phone. No one knew who was on the other end, but witnesses reported that she began muttering angrily about how Martian Manhunter was “at it again.” 

JD Represented in Mario Kart Tour

"After all, we are the top school in the nation according to António Guterres. I guess that kind of popularity is what gets you featured in a video game.” 

THE DANGERS OF FAKE NEWS- How Mr. Brodsky Became A Multi-Billionaire

 “Look, you can’t blame me for reading that article. It was purely factual. It was just artistic interpretation that took me elsewhere.” 

How To Be Internet Safe in 2019

An eye. Yeah, you heard me. An eye watching your every move, scanning your face, stealing your identity to sell to Russia.

JD Day Pillaged by Senior Students

I don’t really know… nothing can replace my love for lemonade. Yes, I could go to the store and buy some lemonade like a plebian. Or, I could enjoy a nice, cold, refreshing glass of fresh squeezed lemonade. But your question was how did I cope?

Epidemic: Endless Pain Strikes JD

As the 2018-2019 school year comes to a close, attendance hits an all time low. Our trusty team of scientists (Mrs. Raitch,...

Aries Season Haunts The Red Rams

Giuseppe Baxter, Manager and Staff Writer “Beware the 21st of March,” Isabella Bird, freshman and local horoscope analyzer/soothsayer warned...

If You Missed It

JD Music Department Cuts Footloose on Their Foot Fixation

Over the last few weeks students of the JD music department have been expressing their worries about the...

Cafeteria’s New Italian Tiles Begin Oozing Spaghetti

Mrs. Stoich, Staff Writer DeWitt, NY -- It was a normal Thursday afternoon at JDHS....

J-D’S Hide and Seek Team- Hidden from the Spotlight

Giuseppe Baxter, Manager and Staff Writer DeWitt, NY -- When one thinks “J-D Sports”, one may think of the...

Bringing Politics into Library Passes

Raffaele Quintino, Staff Writer Dewitt, NY-- The JDHS library has always been kept under secure control by staff members....
Yam

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