What’s Next for the School After Blue Hall Construction?

Each wing of the building is steadily being destroyed and replaced with rooms out of a Disney sitcom set in 2050.

Starchtastic!

Plight of the Leftover Cookies: The Gingerbread Man That Got Away

His swift little feet were powered by the growing mass of students behind him.

Don’t Have a New Year’s Resolution? Let Us Help You!

Nobody has time to spend centuries putting on leg and butt covers in the morning.

A Breakthrough in Student Safety: JD Students Assigned Personal Security Officers

The ultimate goal of this school district should be the safety of children, and the best way to ensure that is to have a man with a gun follow them around 24/7.

Tuberific!

J-DHS Boys Volleyball Team Owes Success to the Tune Squad

All we need to do is get a little… Looney.

Food and Whining: A Review of Thanksgiving Foods

Mashed potatoes found the texture of the turkey dry and unpredictable, and refused to comment on the “travesty.”

Unit Tests Reveal First Grade Students Critically Behind on AP Calculus Curriculum

We [first graders] can’t keep dealing with this sort of thing.

Freshmen and Sophomores in the Musical Take Action to Relate to Their Characters, Go Method

I only wish they would spend more time practicing their choreography instead of trying to do precalculus homework.

Ten More Things to be “Pushed Aside” for Future Pep Rallies

punctuation and capitalization are a waste of time pep rallies are not

YamPage

YamPage is J-DHS' best (and only) satirical publication, featuring only the greatest, most reliable, gluten free news. As the high-water mark for 12th-century student journalism, our crack staff of intrepid reporters take pride in their ability to cover the most pressing news stories that no one asked for. YamPage is an independently-run publication, with our only tie to RamPage being that we have illegally squatted on their website since 2018. About our articles, critics have said, "We don't get it," "That didn't actually happen," and "Why are you doing this?" If you are wildly confused, fantastic. You can contact our extremely overworked editor at yampage@jd.cnyric.org.