Friday, January 22, 2021

Unbelievable!

Poetry Out Loud: Is It Too Loud?

It’s rumored that the big boom that Onondaga County experienced in December 2020 was a result of two Poetry Out Loud competitors who just so happened to be practicing their lines at the same time.

The True Meaning Behind “The Office”

“I was suspicious of The Office when I first saw it. No way could Jim and Pam’s love story be that perfect and not have a catch to it! After the gym teachers played those clips during class, I knew for sure that The Office wasn’t really the comedic show that everyone makes it out to be.”

Meet the Yamfam!

New year, new staff.

Yampage’s Official Holiday Gift Guide: 2020 Edition

We all know how difficult it is to come up with 2020-relevant Christmas gifts, so we here at Yampage have curated a list especially for this year, based on the challenges and triumphs covered by our staff so that you can have the best 2021 possible.

J-DHS Undergoes Copyright Lawsuit After Playing Music in the Mornings

They then exited the interview site yelling things to the sky like, “You can’t make me go back,” and “I don’t need a GED, I bet ya caviar harvesters don’t have GEDs.” No one has heard or seen them since, but we wish them the best with their caviar excursions.

12 Days of Yam Recipes

However, if you aren’t confident enough in your cooking abilities to take on these recipes just yet, not to worry. Mr. Hartley has just announced that he will be coming out of food-vlogger retirement to create twelve step-by-step tutorials assisting new chefs in their holiday yam preparation.

My Holiday Traditions: Margret Tangerine

Yampage's winter break countdown is almost over. Happy holidays!

My Holiday Traditions: Tretyakov Dmitriy (Dima) Stepanovich

yampage's holiday countdown continues... send help

My Holiday Traditions: Reginald Thumbington III

Despite several complaint letters from the JD community, Yampage's winter break countdown will not be stopping!

My Holiday Traditions: Digby Thanoscar

Yampage's winter break countdown has not stopped!

My Holiday Traditions: Aveline Chocolat

Yampage's winter break countdown is still happening!

My Holiday Traditions: Josephine Dupuis

Not even snow days can stop Yampage's winter break countdown!

My Holiday Traditions: Karletta Higgins

Yampage's winter break countdown continues!

My Holiday Traditions: Agatha Smoot

Yampage's winter break countdown begins!

Sophomore Class President: “Let’s Build a Wall”

“Do you really want the future of JDHS to be exposed to CBA, who is responsible for all of the evils of the middle school including, but not limited to, the swim unit and the eighth grade career research project. We need to build a wall.”

Students and Teachers in Fury Over Dry Sanitizing Wipes in Classrooms

“It’s like the students are wiping off their desks with a dry and terribly lemon-scented paper towel! What’s a paper towel going to do? It most certainly will not kill germs.”

Students and Teachers Share Their Christmas Gift Requests for 2020

On December 1, Santa (who, according to many sources, looked a little too suspiciously like Mr. Gasparini in a faux beard) was spotted infiltrating classes to get the inside scoop on what our students and teachers most desire. The results may surprise you.

If You Missed It

J-D Sophomores Behind the Wheel

“I have every confidence that I am the best driver that has ever lived. No one can go as fast as I can on the highway and only hit one car.”

New, Truthful, Virtual College Tours

One good thing to come out of this is that many of these pictures taken prior to God’s death and Satan’s new reign include candid moments with current students in them, providing a more accurate depiction of student life.

Senior Finds Literal Gold Mine Underneath the School, Employs Underclassmen

At the moment, there’s no real estimate as to just how much the mine owner is making, but what is known is that he is making a lot of profit off of this little scheme.

Sophomores Traumatized by The Social Dilemma, Check Social Media to Cheer Up

“I posted about how much the documentary freaked me out on my Twitter and I got 20 likes!” Kai Brutsaert reported. The aforementioned post read: “So scared about the apocalypse or the end of civilization or whatever 🙁 #socialdilemma #socialmediaisruiningourlives #tgif.”

No-Shave November in Turmoil

“Mr. Comfort’s goatee was truly a source of joy for so many of us students. I knew that action had to be taken in order to resurrect this precious icon; a symbol of strength and adaptability amongst chaos; order in a world where so little can be depended upon.”

“All I Want for Christmas is You” to be Played on Intercoms 24/7

While this certainly isn’t textbook and may not even be legal, we can’t say he’s wrong. I myself have forgotten all about not understanding sig figs and have just accepted that my soul has been sold to Mariah Carey.

Sandwich Election Overshadows Presidential Election in J-DHS Halls

Why, you ask, did these students find sandwiches to be more important than the next president of the United States? Well, to be honest, we here at YamPage find the answer to that question to be both too simple and yet almost unanswerable.

Worldwide Clay Shortage Brings Local Ceramics Teacher to Tears

“I KNEW I should have just stuck with Photography!” another stated after having a panic attack inside the Firing Room while watching his beloved masterpiece break into two.
Yam

Yampage

Yampage is the high-water mark for 21st-century student journalism, not only in the greater Jamesville-DeWitt metropolitan area, but also across the entire continent of North America and even the two French islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon off the eastern coast of Canada (Bonjour! Comment allez vous?). Yampage is an independently-run column, with our only tie to RamPage being that we have to pay rent to live here on their website (and they don’t allow pets!!!). Our crack staff of intrepid reporters covers only vital, breaking, and gluten-free news of the day. Contact us at yampage@jd.cnyric.org.