Friday, April 16, 2021

Unbelievable!

Pi Day Promises to Be a Day to Remember

Back by popular demand, Pi Day will once again be celebrated in full force at J-DHS this year. That’s right: in 2021,...

Where Was Mikey Meskos When the Texas Power Grid Failed?

“How could he possibly do that?! It’s like he doesn’t even care about the good people of Texas,” Connor Clarkson, a constituent of Meskos, stated.

High-Risk Sports Begin, Non-Athletes Participate in Risky Academic Behaviors

“The number of students submitting their assignments right at 11:59 p.m. and 59 seconds is truly alarming. And I don’t feel like I can say anything since they are technically turning in their assignments on time. I don’t know what to do.”

Yampage’s Guide to Pets

A hippo is absolutely a better investment in the long term than a good education anyway.

How the Yamfam Prepares for Their Yearly Dodgeball Tournament

During this time, the staff gets to take out all of their aggression on each other with small red spheres and no consequences!

AP Chemistry Students Make COVID Vaccine

While most vaccines take several years to be developed and have to undergo many phases of testing and approval, however, this intrepid group of senior scientists has developed a vaccine in under a month.

Regents…?

“If we have the Regents in June, I’m going to pray for a sharknado.”

Chocolate and Flowers Out, Frogs In

Love is cliche. We all know that. It’s boring. It’s dumb. And it’s been done before.

The Most Successful Senior Skip Day on Record

Nearly 100% of the senior class was reported to have been out of the building for the duration of that school day. Actually, if we are being precise, 99.6% of the senior class; Tyler Aitken was reportedly informed of the Senior Skip Day, but decided to attend school anyway “as a matter of principle.”

“Macbeth” Misfortune

When asked why they did it, they simply said, “I just wanted to see if it actually worked. Plus, I was feeling petty at the time because I had gotten a bad grade in that class.”

A Brief History of a Few of Humanity’s Favorite Liquids

The big question this year has not got anything to do with COVID, the election, or Australia, but rather about a liquid...

Top Three Yam Metaphors You Should Use in Your Next English Essay

Let’s say you’re writing an essay about Twelve Angry Men, for example. Why not make the totally sensible comparison of Juror 8 to yams?

Student Who Got a PS5 for Christmas Targeted by Both Students and Staff: A True Crime Story

The group cornered the classmate to interrogate him on how he was able to gain such a coveted item, and after several hours of intense questioning (some up for moral debate), the student confessed his rich grandparents had imported it directly from the Playstation Headquarters.

Sophomores Read “Oedipus Rex,” Begin Search for Laios’ Killer

“The god commands us to expel from the land of Thebes an old defilement we are sheltering, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do!”

Poetry Out Loud: Is It Too Loud?

It’s rumored that the big boom that Onondaga County experienced in December 2020 was a result of two Poetry Out Loud competitors who just so happened to be practicing their lines at the same time.

If You Missed It

The True Meaning Behind “The Office”

“I was suspicious of The Office when I first saw it. No way could Jim and Pam’s love story be that perfect and not have a catch to it! After the gym teachers played those clips during class, I knew for sure that The Office wasn’t really the comedic show that everyone makes it out to be.”

Meet the Yamfam!

New year, new staff.

Yampage’s Official Holiday Gift Guide: 2020 Edition

We all know how difficult it is to come up with 2020-relevant Christmas gifts, so we here at Yampage have curated a list especially for this year, based on the challenges and triumphs covered by our staff so that you can have the best 2021 possible.

J-DHS Undergoes Copyright Lawsuit After Playing Music in the Mornings

They then exited the interview site yelling things to the sky like, “You can’t make me go back,” and “I don’t need a GED, I bet ya caviar harvesters don’t have GEDs.” No one has heard or seen them since, but we wish them the best with their caviar excursions.

12 Days of Yam Recipes

However, if you aren’t confident enough in your cooking abilities to take on these recipes just yet, not to worry. Mr. Hartley has just announced that he will be coming out of food-vlogger retirement to create twelve step-by-step tutorials assisting new chefs in their holiday yam preparation.

My Holiday Traditions: Margret Tangerine

Yampage's winter break countdown is almost over. Happy holidays!

My Holiday Traditions: Tretyakov Dmitriy (Dima) Stepanovich

yampage's holiday countdown continues... send help

My Holiday Traditions: Reginald Thumbington III

Despite several complaint letters from the JD community, Yampage's winter break countdown will not be stopping!
Yam

Yampage

Yampage is the high-water mark for 21st-century student journalism, not only in the greater Jamesville-DeWitt metropolitan area, but also across the entire continent of North America and even the two French islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon off the eastern coast of Canada (Bonjour! Comment allez vous?). Yampage is an independently-run column, with our only tie to RamPage being that we have to pay rent to live here on their website (and they don’t allow pets!!!). Our crack staff of intrepid reporters covers only vital, breaking, and gluten-free news of the day. Contact us at yampage@jd.cnyric.org.