Saturday, October 23, 2021


Math Curriculum Excludes Quadratics in Order to “Flatten the Curve”

“I was told not to teach the quadratic formula this year even though it is nearly essential to my class,” Mrs. Sullivan said in an interview. “How can I prepare my students for the SAT or any math above geometry without x equals negative b plus or minus the square root of b-squared minus 4ac all over 2a?” 

Intrigue and Inconvenience: The Effects of the Blue Hall Construction

Once again, the administrators of Jamesville-DeWitt High School have asked themselves an important question: what is the most annoying and unnecessary renovation we can make to the school? In what ways can we inconvenience our mentally fatigued students even more? And it seems once again that they have the answer: renovating the Blue Hall. After staring down the Blue Hall for several hours, Principal Gasparini has come to the conclusion that our halls are just much too long and narrow for his comfort. Thankfully, the construction company that he has on speed dial dropped everything to help him for the 15th project in a row. 

Chamber Pots and Diapers: TikTok Trend Reinvents Student Bathroom Habits

I mean, that’s the natural way, right?

Students Weigh in on Spirit Week Themes

Hopefully, students will have enough spirit to not steal soap dispensers.

Secrets Behind Blue Hall Renovation Revealed

"I can't believe it!" exclaimed one junior while gazing longingly at the wall that separates the functioning part of the Blue Hall from the mystical land of the construction zone.

Daniel Tiger, COVID Denier

“My mom won’t let me watch ‘Daniel Tiger’ any more,” one five-year-old reported. “I told her that cancel culture has gone too far and that you have to separate the art from the artist.” 

Cootie Outbreak Causes Chaos, Confusion

They put girls and boys next to each other willy nilly. This is exactly why I was remote for the past year and a half.

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