An Announcement Regarding Budget Cuts and “Raid: Shadow Legends”

With your help, we can avoid this issue and pretend it doesn’t exist.

Starchtastic!

Top 10 Conspiracy Theories On Why the Blue Hall is Still Under Construction

I mean, have you seen it in the past year?

BA.2.12 Subvariant Replaces Red Rams as School Mascot

Its level of school spirit at the interview was truly contagious.

Male Students Way Too Excited to Show Off Weird Facial Hair

“It’s so great to let my beard follicles breathe for once,” Samuel Phillips (‘22) stated, stroking a bizarrely long patch of hair sort of near his chin.

Tuberific!

Interviews with Students Who Didn’t Travel Over Spring Break

I don’t think I had any unreachable goals! A couple realistic ones, though. I baked some cookies.

Inflation Hits J-DHS—Students Now Need Two Hall Passes

I remember when I was a student, I only needed half of a hall pass to get from here to F-M.

Ask Ignacius: “My boyfriend won’t stop eating hamsters!”

We go to a restaurant, and he’ll just ask if they have any hamsters. If they don’t, he just sits there sadly and puts his head down for the whole dinner as if he was expecting that they would have hamsters.

The Latest News on J-DHS’s Obscure Clubs

You already know what happens in the Psychic Club.

Mr. Gasparini’s Retirement to Leave “Big, Gaping Hole” at J-DHS

While the district is hoping for no more bad press, they’ve guaranteed that when something inevitably goes wrong on the 24th, it won’t legally be their fault.

YamPage

YamPage is J-DHS' best (and only) satirical publication, featuring only the greatest, most reliable, gluten free news. As the high-water mark for 12th-century student journalism, our crack staff of intrepid reporters take pride in their ability to cover the most pressing news stories that no one asked for. YamPage is an independently-run publication, with our only tie to RamPage being that we have illegally squatted on their website since 2018. About our articles, critics have said, "We don't get it," "That didn't actually happen," and "Why are you doing this?" If you are wildly confused, fantastic. You can contact our extremely overworked editor at yampage@jd.cnyric.org.