Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Unbelievable!

J-D Students Mourn Cancelled Traditions

How the school board let him be hired is a mystery, but students did love his class where they did lots of fun labs like, “Who Can Stand Still For the Longest Time Without Dying.”

Student’s Score Cancelled for Standing During the SAT

JUNE 5, J-DHS -- Students piled into the building early Saturday morning for the final administration of the SAT before the end of the...

The Truth Behind Why J-DHS is Ranked #1

I have proof. I actually don’t, but just trust me on this. After all, I do have a degree in Unruly Russian Conspiracy Theories from Onomatopoeia Community College.

Chemistry and Biology Teach Students the Life Lessons of Loss and Acceptance

“I remember a time when anything under a 90 was considered bad, now I’m happy with anything above a 47.”

Reginald Thumbington III Solves Your Biggest Problems

Good ol' Reggie T: ex-totalitarian dictator, devout Pastafarian, journalist extraordinaire—and now a self-help guru—here to solve your most pressing issues. He has recently done...

Sophomore Class Co-President Denies Existence of “Spring”

“It seems to me that Meskos’ views toward spring stem from his complete lack of understanding of climate change. Or weather. Or seasons in general. Did this guy not take Earth Science?”

Blue Hall to Get “Hip” Renovation

Now the administration just has to find some PS5s.

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