Students and Teachers Feel Pressure to Have Cool House

Ever since school closed, JD students and teachers have felt increased pressure to look cool on Zoom calls. Many members of the JD community have decorated a single wall of their house in hopes of showing their peers, students, and teachers that they have an interesting and exciting life outside of school.

JD freshman, Meghan Christian, decorated the wall behind her desk with an array of old trophies that had been in a box in her attic for seven years. “I just want to look successful,” she said as she straightened a soccer participation trophy, “So many people have congratulated me on my new decor.”

Global teacher, Anna Delaney, spent hours printing pictures of Saint Stephen’s Basilica in Budapest, which she framed and hung on a previously blank wall in her house. “I’ve never even been to Budapest! I got these pictures from Google Images,” the teacher stated in a recent interview, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go photoshop myself into a picture of the Dalai Lama!” 

Others, however, have had to do the opposite and remove decor from their walls.

“I had to take down all of my One Direction posters,” Mr. Gasparini said, gazing tearfully at a life-size cutout of the group, “It’s like losing Zayn all over again.”

“So many students have contacted me in need of help and support with their wall decorations,” counselor Laura Bond said, “I even had to redecorate my wall with all these incoming Zoom calls,” she finished, gesturing at a Nobel Peace Prize on the wall behind her.

Others have been seen with walls adorned with electric guitars, signed playbills, priceless paintings, and solid gold bars. However, no one really noticed these decorations because everyone was too busy trying to figure out why their microphone wasn’t working.

Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.