Student Government Reform: Democracy in Action or Communist Tyranny?

March 7th marked the occasion of the second Student Government Constitutional Convention. While at first glance this event could be taken as an innocent example of high school students participating in our proud American tradition of democracy, a closer look reveals the communist influence hiding beneath the surface. 

The communist ideology present at the so-called “Constitutional Convention” most obviously manifested itself in the political proceedings: the student government allowed all of the participants to ask questions and make suggestions, rather than only listening to corporate lobbyists like real politicians. Additionally, not a single American flag was present and the national anthem was not played even once, showcasing a clear lack of American patriotism. Even something as simple as the lunch that was served acted as communist propaganda; free meals make people soft and weak when they should pull themselves up by the bootstraps and make something of themselves. 

This debasement of American values clearly shows that the entire movement of reforming the student government is a corrupt tool of communism. The current student government is working just fine; uncontested elections and officials that do little beyond raising money for their own personal use is the ideal form of government. Abandoning the American Way will lead to the destruction of our school by the godless communists. Even now their influence spreads; the red of the flag represents its insidious grasp. All true American citizens must take action now, before this moral rot spreads yet further! Even now, the JD student body is held in its grasp; an interviewed student (their name is classified, following their arrest) claimed that “The point of the government is to serve the people it leads,” a flagrant violation of everything John F. Kennedy (the greatest U.S. president) held dear. 

Mark my words, if it is not stopped, the communist agenda will spread throughout the entire Onondaga County, high schools toppling like dominoes. As proud Americans, we must take decisive action and invade a country that had nothing to do with this because the government is too corrupt to do anything that would actually have any real benefits. Remember that, before anything else, you are an American. We will now close with a reminder of the Pledge of Allegiance, a pledge to One Nation, Under God, with Liberty and Justice for all, unless you’re a communist. 

Jimothy Rivers
Archbishop Lieutenant Director Professor Doctor Jimothy Rivers has previous work experience as the archbishop of Winnipeg, a lieutenant in the Royal Canadian Navy, the director of the National Postal Museum in Washington D.C., a professor of golf management at Idaho State University, and as a dermatologist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester. In his free time he enjoys playing a variety of sports, with his favorites being extreme ironing and combat juggling. He is currently retired from all of his jobs except teaching at Idaho State and writes articles for YamPage in between classes, hoping to gain another title. He can be reached through his unpaid intern Bohdin Bright ('23) with questions about his articles or extra credit opportunities.