Sophomores Traumatized by The Social Dilemma, Check Social Media to Cheer Up

This year in health class, sophomores were exposed to the horrors and consequences of social media by way of Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma. In this documentary, former employees of social media companies warn of the dangers of social media and manipulation of its users. This doom-and-gloom documentary has shocked and startled sophomore health students.

“I had no idea about how much we are being controlled by our phones. I was just so scared, but then I watched some videos of kittens playing with puppies on Instagram and I felt much better,” sophomore Jasmine Ho told Yampage.

“I posted about how much the documentary freaked me out on my Twitter and I got 20 likes!” Kai Brutsaert reported. The aforementioned post read: “So scared about the apocalypse or the end of civilization or whatever 🙁 #socialdilemma #socialmediaisruiningourlives #tgif.”

“I had no idea it would affect my students this way,” health teacher Melissa Moore stated in a recent interview. “I felt so guilty for scaring them that I spent three hours watching nail art videos on Pinterest to calm down.” 

Several students reported finding similar remedies to their fears. However, one student was miraculously unaffected by this documentary.

“It didn’t really bother me,” said Moebius Slate-Rutledge. “I had already deleted all of my social media apps before I watched the movie and besides, when I had them they weren’t controlling me, I would know if I was being manipulated.”

Despite the fact that Slate-Rutledge completely misinterpreted the documentary, they do act as a reminder that it is possible to live a social media free life. Sure, that life would have a lot less TikTok dances and definitely wouldn’t have the same volume of selfies and might lack meaning altogether, but it might prevent the end of the world. Maybe. I don’t know. I bet someone on Reddit knows…

On a related note, the entire sophomore class (except for Moebius Slate-Rutledge) has vowed to delete all social media forever or at least for a week.

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Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.