Sophomore Class Presidential Candidate’s Tax Scandal Revealed

In a scandal to rival Watergate and the Great Chinchilla Crisis of 2012, sophomore class presidential candidate, Michael Meskos, is refusing to release his tax returns. The school was left to ponder what Meskos could be hiding for a confusing two hours before the tax returns were leaked to Yampage revealing shocking information: Mikey Meskos has paid zero dollars in taxes in the last 15 years.

“That’s dishonest,” sophomore and opposing candidate Sabina Hege told Yampage. “He can’t expect us to vote for someone who would withhold that type of information. And that’s why you should vote Sabina Hege for sophomore class president.”

“I’m very disappointed in Mikey. He’s really compromised the integrity of the sophomore class election,” sophomore student government advisor Donna Oppedisano stated in an interview. “I really wish I had volunteered to advise the junior class student government instead this year.”

At press time, Meskos could not be reached for comment, but his overworked and highly caffeinated campaign team assured voters that he would not be withdrawing from the race. 

In addition to his refusal to answer questions about his taxes, the candidate has also never publicly spoken about where he was when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

“I bet he’s hiding something,” principal Paul Gasparini disclosed. “Why else would he avoid talking about the assassination of our country’s 35th president? He’s hiding something for sure.”

“I don’t know who to vote for anymore,” freshman Emily Greenblatt expressed. “Wait, I don’t get to vote in the sophomore class election? How is that fair?!? That’s unconstitutional! The sophomore class election will affect me too!”

In other news, Meskos’s ties with F-M are still being investigated.

Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.