Sophomore Class President: “Let’s Build a Wall”

Photo by Ruby Champagne

After one of the most controversial elections in human history, Michael Meskos was elected sophomore class co-president. In the past week, President Meskos has announced his new plan to build a wall separating JD Middle School and Christian Brothers Academy.

“The youth of our JD community are being corrupted by the sinister force that lurks mere feet away from the middle school. Feet, I tell you, feet!” Meskos stated in a recent press conference. “Do you really want the future of JDHS to be exposed to CBA, who is responsible for all of the evils of the middle school including, but not limited to, the swim unit and the eighth grade career research project. We need to build a wall.”

When asked who would pay for that wall, Meskos told us CBA would pay for it with all of their private school money. He also claims that he is the single greatest sophomore class president to ever serve in the entire history of JDHS and that he once fought an alligator blindfolded. As of this publication, neither of these claims have been confirmed.

So far, his plan has been fairly well received by the general JD public.

“Those CBA students need to be stopped,” sophomore Meghan Christian reported. “They’re taking our jobs! I heard that one of them took a line leader position away from a JD fifth grader and that another one is the team captain of the JD/CBA Wrestling Team. Pretty soon there won’t be any jobs left for honest, hardworking JD students.”

In the last week, several anti-CBA protests have been held, many taking place in the middle of Randall Road, in between the two schools. Some signs from these protests read “JD first” and “Not in my JD!” and even “I got swept up in this angry mob and I’m not sure what is going on. Please send help!” Cries of “Build that wall!” and “Make JD great again!” could be heard from Canada. 

When asked for her opinion, CBA student Marielle Emmanuel (‘25) stated, “I have no idea what is going on. I mean, I knew there was like a rivalry or whatever, but this seems a bit extreme. Also, why should we pay for it? Doesn’t JD have all of that sweet, sweet Krispy Kreme sale money saved up somewhere?”

While Meskos’ plan has many supporters, several JD students have come together to found a new club called “Students for JD/CBA Unity.” They have already organized several counter protests and have 112 followers on their club’s Instagram, most of whom are club members. 

“CBA students are not evil, they’re people just like us,” Students for JD/CBA Unity president and losing candidate in the sophomore class election Sabina Hege told the school in an email blast. “We need to stand up for justice in this school. And that’s why you should have voted for Sabina Hege for sophomore class president.”

In other news, an outside investigator has been brought in to investigate president Meskos’ ties with F-M.

Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.