We all know that part of the Blue Hall has been under construction for some time now. While it’s been claimed that it is only being “rebuilt,” we at Yampage are certain that Mr. Gasparini is hiding something. Something HUGE! Word has been going around at J-D that an indoor putt-putt golf course is being built to replace the drabness and boringness of everyone’s least favorite hallway. 

“I can’t believe it!” exclaimed one junior while gazing longingly at the wall that separates the functioning part of the Blue Hall from the mystical land of the construction zone. “A real, genuine golf course at J-D! No wonder we’re the best school in the galaxy. This sure beats having the old art rooms back! Who needs them anyway? I can’t wait to beat the pants off of all of my friends at an extreme golf tournament! To the death, of course.” She could already be seen practicing her one-finger, over-the-shoulder death putt. 

“Seriously, golf? Why can’t they just put in a pool already?” commented one salty member of the J-DHS Swim Team. “It’s not fair that the middle school gets to have a pool and we don’t. They’re a bunch of babies! They’re probably still learning how to doggy-paddle. We’ll be the laughing stock of the whole district. I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”

The freshmen, however, seem to be most excited about this potential new establishment. They’ll get years to enjoy the majesty that will be the new golf course, much to the dismay of all the dedicated seniors, who may never get to see it finished. This will certainly give them some major caddy issues. 

Is this true? No one knows for sure. But this is certainly a tee-rific investment in our books.

Reginald Thumbington III was born sometime in the early 2000’s, but, because he has no brain, he cannot remember the precise time and date. He previously ruled over the Finger Lakes as a totalitarian dictator in an alternate dimension known as Handyland. A self-proclaimed Pastafarian messiah, Mr. Thumbington can often be seen attempting to convert unsuspecting victims to his eternal worship on Quora. In addition, he has many hand-tastic hobbies such as arm-wrestling, hoarding bracelets and bowties (as he is a Hand of Culture), and being better than everyone else. After being exiled from his Porcelain Throne on Handyland due to a democratic uprising following his ambiguous ban of rubber duckies, Reginald Thumbington III is excited to start his new career as a journalist at the only place that would hire him. He is hopelessly and permanently attached at the right elbow to Lizzie Van Buren (‘22) and loves to torture her by leaving smudges on her doodles on purpose.