It has come to my attention that you have scribed a recent feature about Mr. Keith Comfort titled “Lizards, Lizards, and More Lizards” in the April 8th, 2020 edition of the fabled YamPage. My enduring mission as a Deputy Education Minister is to find, investigate, and thwart potential falsehoods from school journalism articles throughout the world. I am writing this rebuttal to inform you and your readers of the fact that, by writing and publishing this article about Mr. Comfort’s Lizard Lab, you have broken many important aspects of journalistic integrity.
Upon interviewing numerous former students, it is clear that Mr. Comfort is a reputable educator that has utilized stellar pedagogical philosophies and practices throughout his career. Current senior, Aniket Maini described Mr. Comfort as a “lion among kittens” in the field of biology education. Eva Wisniewski, another JDHS senior, explained how she arrived in Honors Biology as a confused, timid sophomore and completed AP Biology her junior year as a strong, confident leader. “Simply, I owe all of my successes to Mr. Comfort and his meaningful life lessons. I will always cherish the impact he has had on my life,” stated a misty-eyed Wisniewski. Luke Hobika was clearly angered by the recent article in YamPage and fondly recalls measuring many different aspects of lizard hindlimbs for the Lizard Evolution Virtual Lab during his junior year. ”It was one of the best learning experiences of my life. Any student that fails to see the pure beauty and value of counting lizard toe pads should not even be enrolled in a class like AP Biology. Those students that criticize Mr. Comfort’s methods should just quit whining and do their work!” ranted Hobika.
Ms. Smoot, my investigations are always thorough. I contacted Neel Patel and Claire Macero to find out more information. Both students admitted to being strongly coerced, by so-called “friends”, into making their damaging statements about the virtual lab. A remorseful Macero went on to whisper, “I actually liked the lab a lot.” Ms. Raicht, a long-time colleague of Mr. Comfort, stated that Mr. Comfort is well-known for his sincere empathy towards students. “Despite my own occasional mischievous tendencies, Mr. Comfort always directs me down a proper ethical pathway.” Jamesville-Dewitt High School alum and physician, Dr. Jason D. Wolf supported Comfort’s teaching methods. Dr. Wolf stated, “As a doctor with many years of experience in highly regarded emergency rooms throughout the US, I am constantly amazed that I use my knowledge of measuring lizard hindlimbs on a daily basis. I am sincerely grateful that Mr. Comfort gave me this foundation for my professional career.”
Lastly, I interviewed Mr. Comfort to get his reaction to the article. Mr. Comfort was confident in his educational philosophies. He forcefully stated that students who challenge his methods are like “bunnies living on a small tropical island”. I’m not certain what he meant exactly by that statement, but he seemed adamant. Then, with a wry smile, he continued, “Just wait until I assign ‘Lizard Evolution Virtual Lab 2’ next week.”
In summary of my investigation, I found that you have misled your readers and painted a false picture of Mr. Comfort. Please publicly apologize to Mr. Comfort and cease these types of fabrications in the future of your fine publication.
Sincerely,
Mr. Yaw Osei Adutwum – Deputy Education Minister of the Seventh Parliament of the Fourth Republic of East Dungarvan
Note: I also briefly attempted to interview Ms. Mena Coles-Carruthers. Her repetitive, babbling statements about lizards were troubling and unintelligible. I felt obliged to disregard any remarks from her for this rebuttal.
