With all of this additional free time, parents and their children (with much protest) have found themselves getting out their good ol’ dust rags, mops, and vacuums and going to new cleaning heights (or rather depths) in their homes that they never had the time or patience for pre-quarantine.
Let’s be honest, we all have that place in our home that we haven’t touched in a good decade, whether it be a basement, closet, or storage room. The place where we find ourselves throwing the items that we don’t want to get rid of, but also don’t care to look at.
Now that our lives are filled with quarantine boredom, people are reopening those doors. But instead of just finding dust bunnies and trash, people are coming out with the childhood and young adulthood that they tried hard to forget, but couldn’t get rid of. And it’s taking over their lives, once again.
“Fanny packs and parachute pants are going to be the next big thing,” parent Matt Chiorini said confidently after finding a box of old clothes from his teenage years. “I’m over boring tee-shirts, jeans, and sweatpants. Remember how free we were to be stylish back in the day? I’m going to bring it all back. I may even grow back a mullet. It looked rad.”
Meanwhile, teachers have been showing up to Zoom meetings decked out in the old fashion they rediscovered from their childhood.
“Mr. Yanchuk came to a meeting wearing neon Spandex and leg warmers and taught class while rolling around his house on roller skates,” freshman, Connie Zhang, told us.
“Instead of giving us educational videos to watch, they’re assigning us their favorite childhood movies and TV shows,” senior, Maggie Frank, stated angrily. “I’ve already been forced to watch The Breakfast Club, Saved by the Bell, and all ten seasons of Beverly Hills 91210 with my parents. What’s next?”
But students aren’t innocent. Remember Silly Bandz and Rainbow Loom? Nintendo DS and Beyblades? They’re back.
“In order not to lose my status, I’ve been forced to pull out my old Atari because my students are showing up to class playing Mario Kart and taking care of their Nintendogs,” said Ms. Groman. “Thanks for at least showing up, but it would be nice if I was more important than some fake dog.”
We’re still dealing with that one. It’s all part of the job, we keep reminding ourselves and our totally real dogs.
However, these old items aren’t just bringing back happy memories, but also memories of freedom and actually being able to go out into the world and have human contact.
“When I found my Pokemon cards, I was suddenly hit with all the memories of trading cards with other people,” sophomore David Scibilia explained to us. “The feeling of bargaining for a good trade, face to face. Shaking hands. Cards being exchanged. You just can’t beat that adrenaline in isolation.”
“I found an old mixtape buried in my bedroom closet made by one of my old boyfriends back in the 80s. I had totally forgotten about it,” parent Anne Dovčiak told us. “Remembering him handing it to me that day in the hallway of my high school, listening to it with all of my best friends in my bedroom. “I Want to Know What Love Is.” “(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight.” So beautiful… Sorry. I’m tearing up. All of those memories and the freedom we had back then, it’s all gone. You never truly realize how great something is until it’s gone.”
What will come out of this? We have yet to find out. All we can say is that these fads have come back and they aren’t going to disappear anytime soon. No matter how much you wish for it not to happen, somebody you know is going to get a mullet or a perm. It’s a fact of life now.