Like the SAT but Harder: A Guide to the Senior Ball Packet

Hey senior class!

We’re so excited for ball this year! We’ve got some great stuff planned! But before we can get to the fun stuff, we’ve got some business to take care of. You all should have received an info packet in your homerooms last week. I know it can be a bit overwhelming, so we just wanted to break it down for you.

At the front of the packet, you’ll see a table of contents. It’s got important information on it. If you find yourself getting lost at any point in the 50 page packet, just refer back to the front cover!

Next, you should see a menu for the event. We’ve got waffles, tacos, chicken tenders, and nothing for people with food allergies!

Opposite the menu, we have a quick questionnaire that you need to fill out by TOMORROW! We need to know who your date is, their hair color, their mother’s maiden name, and their social security number. Standard school dance stuff!

If you’re planning on taking a limo to the event, you’ll need to fill out the form on page 72 of the packet (we lied when we said the packet was only 50 pages lol). It requires signatures from your parent/guardian and at least two cafeteria workers (we’d prefer three, though).

Also, on page 146, you can find a handy list of all items that are not allowed at Senior Ball. For instance, all amphibians are strictly prohibited! Don’t ask why.

Make sure to include your table selection! This is an essential part of the ball experience. And if you don’t put down a table preference, we sit you right next to a really stinky raccoon infested garbage can! The raccoons love waffles and can smell loneliness!

Please disregard pages 208-210. There’s nothing important on those pages. Seriously. Just skip them. There’s nothing to be concerned about on pages 208-210. Literally nothing to worry about. STOP ASKING QUESTIONS IT’S FINE!

Page 289 is a word search.

Also, be sure to study pages 321 and 322. There, you’ll find a study guide for the four hour test that all ball attendees are required to take. It’s like the SAT but harder!

Look, we know that all of this may seem confusing. However, it’s all actually quite doable if you set aside about two hours to figure out the answer to the riddle required to even open the packet. But after that, it’s all super simple. We hope to see you all at ball! Why are you looking at page 208?!


Senior Student Goverment

Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.