JD Represented in Mario Kart Tour

Mario Kart Tour, a mobile game in the Mario Kart series, was released earlier this week. The Mario Kart series has always been known for pitting characters from the Mario franchise up against one another, but it looks like that’s about to change. A recent datamine revealed an unexpected character file folder buried within the game’s code.

The folders with no portraits are characters that are planned for release in the near future. The folder gasparini may have some sort of connection to Paul Gasparini, though it could also be a code name for another person in JD, or just a meaningless placeholder.

“Our school’s gotten the attention of a lot of people this year, and we aren’t even half-way into the first quarter,” said Mr. Gasparini when he was informed of the situation. “After all, we are the top school in the nation according to António Guterres. I guess that kind of popularity is what gets you featured in a video game.”

The statistics file shows that this character will be a middle-weight character, with comparable stats to Mario. The character in question will get three items when racing on food-based tracks like GBA Cheese Land and GCN Sherbet Land, as that’s probably where most of the school’s lunches come from.

It’s unclear if or when gasparini will be added to the game, but if the JDHS principal really is joining the Mario Kart Tour cast, the staff at Yampage will keep you updated.

Homunculus Loxodontus
Homunculus is the very first non-human member of Yampage. Nobody quite knows how he got onto the staff, but some say he broke out of a containment vessel somewhere in Vermont and traveled here in search of a job. He then whispered in Giuseppe Baxter’s ear the words “zhdun snorp”, and the rest was history. He is also getting more powerful by the day, as he has learned how to type in just two days, and has the physical strength of roughly three elementary school children. His IQ is higher than the average human, and oh god why is he at my door I have to go now please don’t hurt me