JD Music Department Cuts Footloose on Their Foot Fixation

mermaid t shirt

Over the last few weeks students of the JD music department have been expressing their worries about the department’s fascination with feet.

“It’s gotten toetally out of control,” one student commented when asked about the department’s big toe bias.

It started in the middle school after the department ran out of original ideas for shows. They had a hard time finding their footing at first, but eventually decided to test the waters and dipped their toes into The Little Mermaid. The whole show is about someone trying to get feet!

We asked Mr. Blumenthal, band and orchestra director, his thoughts on the department being hung up on heels.

“Well, I thought it would be a shoe in. And I believe it has been. Attendance at shows has risen since we started doing shoes focused on feet. In the past the audience was made up of the siblings of the students in the show. More recently, their parents have started to come to the shows too.”

“The music department made a bold move with their 2017 production of Footloose. I mean, it’s almost as if they were outing themselves on their fancy for feet,” exclaimed Stella Heflin.

In 2018 the department opened the curtains on All Shook Up, this time their foot fascination being expressed through the song Blue Suede Shoes. Many of JDHS’s own students suspect that the department actually wrote the lyrics of the song for Elvis Presley back in the 50s, using music as a way to (not so subtly) express their passion for pumps.

“The department may have a freaky fixation with phalanges, but I can assure you that their productions will get your feet tapping,” exclaimed student saxophone player Matthew Scibilia.

Earlier this year, the department made a more subtle nod to their digit dependency. This year’s production of Freaky Friday was no small feat. At least the two giant feet that graced the cover of the playbills were not.

“The show had nothing to do with shoes or feet. I’m not sure if the department got a kick out of it, but I can assure you that I wasn’t laughing,” stated an frustrated Caleb Porter.

Although the department has callously denied their foot fascination, we say “if the shoe fits, wear it!”

Françoise von Farquaad
nçoise von Farquaad is the secret lovechild of Donald Trump and Kanye West. Abandoned by the iconic duo just days after creation, Françoise was secretly raised in the Northern Vietnam Lowland Rain Forest by a conspiracy of Sunda Flying Lemurs. Prior to joining Yampage, Françoise ran a bakery called “Oui Oui Baguette” where, ironically, he didn’t sell baguettes. Françoise later became the photographer for Vladimir Putin’s (arguably provocative) annual shirtless calendar. Gaining a large amount of popularity from Putin’s shirtless annual calendar, Françoise was soon scouted by Yampage. His unusual nickname is “Maggie Frank (’20)”.