J-DHS Boys Volleyball Team Owes Success to the Tune Squad

On Saturday, Nov. 19, the boys volleyball team won states. However, despite their claims, they did not do it alone. 

The day is Nov. 10, 2022 and the J-D Athletic Department is in a meeting. What do they do? States is in nine days and they have no hope to win. “Do we forfeit and not get embarrassed?” one timid coach asks. “Do we try our best until we don’t succeed?” another says. Murmurs erupt, but are interrupted: “No! All we need to do is get a little… Looney.” 

That night, a call is made to the one and only Bugs B. Bunny. “What’s up, doc?” the anthropomorphic rabbit asks. 

“I need you to return a favor long overdue, old friend,” says the caller. 

“I owe a lot to a lot of people, doc,” Bunny responds, munching on a carrot. 

“It’s Lawson. Gregory Lawson,” replies the caller. 

“Why didn’t ‘cha say so, doc! Count us in, whaddya need a new mascot? We have plenty of talking animals but I don’t think we have a ram,” Bunny states. 

“No, no. We need the Tune Squad. Ever played volleyball, Bugs?” asks Lawson. 

“We split up, Greg. After Michael Jordan’s retirement, we thought we were done, but then Lebron James got us out only to get a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes, so we gave up on sports,” says Bunny. 

“What if I gave you a week’s worth of school lunch carrots, the ones in those not environmentally responsible plastic bags?” asks Lawson. 

“You’ve got yourself a deal, doc!” exclaims Bunny.

Practice began the next day. Lola Bunny was serving specialist while Daffy Duck was setter. Bugs Bunny himself played libero while Tweety Bird and Sylvester were outside hitter and middle blocker. The Tasmanian Devil played defensive specialist. The team was crazy good and showed great promise. It wasn’t until everyone arrived in Albany that the Tune Squad put on their teenage boy disguises (really smelly) and hit the court. No one could tell that the team was secretly Looney Tunes characters in disguise. Even Michael B. Jordan was there to have a short cameo and one-liner before disappearing! 

With a new trophy under J-DHS’ name safely inside the trophy case, Mr. Lawson felt accomplished, even while shipping out thousands of carrot packages to Bunny.

Count Dimitriendoff
Count Dimitriendoff or “Off” for short is quite an eccentric individual. Many many many years ago Off once held the record for “youngest person born.” However, that record would soon be broken a few seconds later. Off is very hardworking, but he does take vacations every so often. His favorite was a cruise from Southampton to New York on the 10th of April 1912, He says he enjoyed a nice cold swim as well. Off claims to have discovered elements 121, 120, and 119 although IUPAC has yet to confirm this. Off loves spending the day at local funeral homes and many morticians call him “A Lovely Cadaver”. Since losing his large estate back in Romania (due to what he calls a “Monster Mash”), Off works at YamPage to buy it back, he is unaware, however, that YamPage is a nonprofit. Off is great friends with The Count from Sesame Street, Dracula, and Eden Shirilan-Howlett (‘24).