My dear readers the summer of 2021 has treated us with many delights. One example would be the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. I know what you’re thinking, “It’s 2021.” And you would be right. So, why did I write 2020? Because Japan had already spent about a bajillion dollars preparing for the Olympics in 2020 before the pandemic hit. As a result, Japan didn’t want to put in another bajillion dollars to change a bunch of zeros to ones. 

Moving on, a few of our very own J-D students represented at the Tokyo Olympics! Macy Durkin, an 11th grader, won bronze in Olympic Toe Wrestling. When asked how she trains for the sport, Durkin told Yampage that she lifts 55 lbs. every morning with her toes. We took a look at Durkin’s toes and they were in full battle gear, wearing spikes and helmets. 

From grade 11, Luke Cantone came in 26th in extreme vacuuming. Sadly, there were only 26 participants in this Olympic event. When we asked Luke’s mother what she thought about his choice of sport, she told us, “The house is always very clean, so I don’t mind.” Cantone has dedicated seven years of his life to this sport. 

11th grader Jasmine Ho was also at the Olympics as she received gold in her Olympic event: the two-foot snorkeling relay. This event is just what it sounds like. Ho snorkels in two feet deep water for as long as she can. When we asked her about her win, she was too out of breath to respond. 

Well, my dear readers, there you have it. Please send your congratulations to these three Olympic athletes. They have spent countless hours in training! Stay tuned as we prepare for the Yampage coverage of the Winter Olympics. 

Karletta Higgins
Born in 1987, Karletta Higgins is a convicted forger, and soap carving enthusiast. Karletta was arrested in 2000 when she attempted to steal the Declaration of Independence, but accidentally replaced it with the Gettysburg Address and signed her name at the bottom. When in prison she taught a soap carving class to her fellow inmates. Now she writes for Yampage at Jamesville DeWitt and in her free time attempts painting. So far, she can’t get past stick figures. The best way to reach Karletta is through her parole officer Tara Sandhu Pollock (‘23).