In a shocking turn of events, the Jamesville-DeWitt School Board has overturned a previous decision that allowed female students to choose their own electives. With this decision overturned, all scheduling decisions for female students will be left to the discretion of individual guidance counselors. According to the school board’s released decision, “Electives are precious and must be protected. Young women are not allowed to switch out of their counselor-determined classes under any circumstances.” This has caused outrage among female students.

“They’re taking away my rights,” Connie Zhang told YamPage while showing off her “My Schedule, My Choice” t-shirt. “My counselor shouldn’t be able to tell me whether or not I can take Sports Psychology.”

“If I can’t choose my own electives, then what’s next? Administrators telling me I can’t wear a hat to school?” senior Stephanie Lynne stated.

However, some students have a different perspective on the matter.

“I always had an issue with girls choosing classes,” one student reported. “It’s not explicitly mentioned anywhere in the student handbook and, therefore, shouldn’t happen.”

“These girls aren’t mature enough to know what electives they want. It only makes sense to have their counselors choose for them,” another student posted on Instagram. We were unable to identify the student, but their username is @save_the_electives.

“Girls should take whatever classes they get put in without complaining,” tenth grader Max Van Buren told reporters. “Some students would kill to be in those classes and it will be a terrific learning experience for the female students.”

While scheduling rules vary from counselor to counselor, many guidance counselors are threatening serious consequences for any female student who tries to request electives.

“I need to take an art class to meet my art/music graduation requirement, but if I tell that to my counselor, I could get up to ten years of detention. I don’t think I’m going to be able to graduate this year,” senior Tara Pollock disclosed.

“My counselor banned all elective selections for female students, but I’ve heard that the counselor next door will let female students choose one elective as long as they do it 15 weeks before schedules are released. I’m going to sneak next door to request Reading Films before it’s too late,” sophomore Paloma Arena said.

The ban has resulted in a lot of female students seeking illegal textbooks for the electives they wanted to take. These textbooks often come from shady sources and are not reliable.

“I bought an AP Euro textbook from some F-M kid,” an anonymous student said. “It was so inaccurate. It said that the French Revolution occurred in Croatia. These textbooks are seriously dangerous.” 

“So many female students are being put at risk,” junior Sophia Caputo fumed. “You can’t ban female students from taking the electives they want, you can only ban them from doing it safely.”

While the long-term effects of the ban remain unclear, many suggest more bans lie ahead, specifically restrictions on academic class selections. More on this story as it develops.

In other news, the FBI just raided former J-DHS principal Paul Gasparini’s CBA office and found several J-DHS hall passes.

Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.