Here at YamPage, we pay close attention to the cultural landscape of our time. As we rang in the new year, curiosity about the upcoming trends for music, fashion, media, and more arose. Judging by the Spotify Wrappeds I saw this December, culture is in crisis! Apparently the “lack of taste” COVID symptom wasn’t just referring to food. Thankfully, I and the other tastemakers at YamPage put together a list of our favorite trends we hope will catch on in 2022, and a list of those we hope stay in the past. 

IN

Derealization – As mental health conversations continue to be present, derealization and dissociation are topics yet to be explored enough for Instagram influencers to feel comfortable faking it for attention. But, let’s be honest, the reality we live in right now is not one people are particularly inclined to stay in, so this mental illness is a convenient one for right now! Instead of thinking about the death surrounding you, simply zone out staring at the ceiling in math class and start feeling like you’re floating outside of your body! Now you’ll have something new and exciting to worry about instead of the pandemic!

#womenincrypto – Crypto, NFTs, and more digital currencies have been in the news recently, much to the annoyance of anyone who isn’t in a fraternity or Elon Musk. But we believe we can add some pizazz to this trend by giving it a feminine touch! Women in STEM is a movement supported by the feminist cause, so why not Women in Crypto? Sure, it doesn’t actually do anything to improve the world like being a doctor or scientist could, but it… it…well…we aren’t actually sure what the goal of this is. But making crypto pink and sparkly could be a lot more fun!

Getting Married – Do you feel a growing, deep pit of despair in the center of your torso? Perhaps a gaping hole in the place of where your heart should be? A dreadful feeling that you’ll never be able to fully connect with another person again? Well, we have the solution for you! Getting married to the next person who looks in your general direction is the craze sweeping the nation! Are they your soulmate? Probably not, but they are a warm body! And you’ll get some good pictures for your Instagram feed!

Folktronica – To be honest, I don’t know what this genre of music is really about, but it sounds obscure, which makes me sound cool! If you also want to sound cool, just google “obscure genres of music” and you’ve got yourself a whole new personality!

Reality TV – Now you might be thinking, “Didn’t you just talk about how we’ve had enough of reality?” Yes, but don’t be fooled! Despite the name, there is nothing realistic about reality TV. Watching people with perfect surgical implants prance around their $5 million mansion making TikToks with Charli D’Amelio while the rest of the world burns around them is the perfect escapist media!

OUT

Climate Anxiety – Just don’t think about it! 🙂

Whisper Singing – This is a common technique used by female indie singers, and it is nails on a chalkboard to most people. It’s like they’re ashamed of their own music! They need to learn to love themselves and sing their lyrics loud and clear! Unless it’s something about the moon or your depressive episode, in that case I think we’ve heard enough.

Glasses – Not only does it make you look like a nerd (yuck), but why would anyone want to be able to see? If the tsunami warnings for California are real, I’d much rather see a vague, blurry, large mass of blue than be aware of the impending doom heading my way!

That concludes our trend suggestions for 2022. As you can see, much of our ideas stem from simply not wanting to be on this plane of existence anymore, a feeling we think many can relate to. However, we have to have hope. Here’s to 2022 being the best 12 months of our lives! Maybe we’ll win an award that isn’t by proxy to RamPage this year!

Tretyakov Dmitriy (Dima) Stepanovich
Dima was a snake milker, crisis actress, and professional funeral goer for 27 years, before pursuing a degree in journalism (with two minors in Egyptology and Bagpiping and being in the LARPing club, not to brag) from Hamburger University in Oak Brook, Illinois. She relocated to Syracuse after graduating because she thought it was actually called Syrupcuse, and assumed this meant it was the maple syrup capital of the world, which makes no sense because this is America, not Canada. While in Syracuse, she got this job at YamPage by telling the interviewer that her mother had cancer and this job would help her pay the medical bills, which was entirely untrue, and Dima used the money instead to fund her miniature sculpture collection depicting life in Soviet Russia. She has since fled to a closed off area of the woods in the Adirondacks and built a log cabin by hand in order to avoid taxes and also other people, so if you need to contact her it would be best to do so through her previously conjoined twin before the illegal surgery they had in New Zealand, Becca Fitzgerald (‘22).