Boys Lacrosse Players Excited to Pursue Future Careers in Cosmetology

When the boys lacrosse team entered the high school on Monday, their fellow students were speechless. Having taken the artistry of clippers and bleach to an unprecedented level, students’ jaws had no choice but to drop to the floor. Describing this as a “life-defining play,” the lacrosse players were excited to announce plans to pursue future careers in cosmetology.

“We went into the whole thing as total benchwarmers,” the captains of the boys lacrosse team told YamPage. “Professionals had styled our hair before, but we never thought about doing it ourselves. When the clippers and bleach got into our hands, though? It was crazy, no cap.”

“Originally, I thought I couldn’t stop looking at their hair because it was so… well, bad. But after observing it for three whole days, I now recognize the creativity and skill that went into each unique hairstyle,” senior Anka Chiorini said. “It became obvious to me that they didn’t do this for fun; they did this to express themselves.”

Some of the team’s inventive new hairstyles include the reverse mohawk, headphone hair, and the crisscross cut.

Two seniors have already given up their spots on Division 1 lacrosse teams in order to attend cosmetology school, stating, “No regrets, bro.” 

Because some of the lax bros are concerned about being underdogs “out on that cosmetology turf,” there are plans for the team to practice “manis, pedis, and waxies” on each other over the summer.

Since this “dub,” even teachers have remarked upon a change in their laxing students, not only in their hair, of course, but also in their academic behavior. Areas of increased interest include cosmetic chemistry, color theory, and interpersonal skills.

“I love seeing students discover their true passions,” stated Principal Lawson. “And the fact that this all happened because of the mascot unveiling three weeks ago? Incredible.”

Inspired by their lax counterparts, the boys baseball team is taking up scrapbooking and the boys tennis team is taking up needlework. Meanwhile, the girls’ spring sports teams are playing their sports.

Josephine Dupuis
Josephine Dupuis was born in the late 1910s (she forgot which year) as Helen Smith. World-renowned for her work as a human statue in New York City, she decided to change her name in order to fully embody the heritage of her muse, The Statue of Liberty. After losing her job during the Great Depression, she tried a wide variety of occupations, ranging from potato farmer to bounty hunter, but none of them brought her the same passion as being a human statue. She’s hoping that her new job in journalism will spark a flame in her 100-and-something year old heart. She is dedicating all her articles to her two favorite great-great-grandchildren, Yammy and Paige. She is a long-lost cousin of Madie Phillips (’23).