Home Authors Posts by Guiseppe Baxter
“I knew when I heard the Windows startup noise as I stepped into the voting booth that I was using outdated technology, but I thought it worked fine,” said senior Aakash Yalamanchili. “Actually, thinking about how the machine started hurling insults at me in Russian, when I tried to vote, I now realize that there might have been some issues there.”
“I miss the cold, dark void of the ChromeCart,” wept Chromebook #24 from Cart 1. “It was so comfortable. Sometimes I think about it when I’m shutting down for the night so I can relax a bit. The gentle rolling down the green hallway. The English and French classes going to war over me. Getting put in the wrong slot. Getting plugged in with the wrong cord. Not getting plugged in at all. Oh, so many things could go wrong. It really helps me sleep at night, remembering the good times.”
“You can really tell that it really took a lot of guts for everyone to dig up those yearbooks and post those very flattering pictures of themselves for an audience of old friends. I hope I’ll grow up to be as brave and resilient as them,” said Sofie Brutsaert solemnly.
“I’m always amazed by the artistry of our school’s food. I’m not sure where it’s imported from, but the variety is so impressive. It’s a surprise every time to see what it’ll look like, and I’m never disappointed,” said lunch monitor Mr. Adler. We interviewed him about a few repeated instances of green-themed food. “It was a little strange that Momo and Paige didn’t tell us this was going to happen, but I think it really keeps with the fun of the season,” he finished.
It is rumored that the school’s Steering Committee is planning to literally force themselves on stage to steer the metaphorical boat in the show’s 11 o’clock number “Sit Down, You’re Rockin The Boat”, as to prevent any turmoil from ensuing involving this nonexistent boat that has the potential to be rocked.
Yampage journalists managed to interview one of the school’s most notorious jewelers, Rainer Yaeger, as he finished jeweling the cuffs of his jeans. “They come in a bunch of different colors, but the most popular ones are cappucino, grape, and tobacco. Even those aren’t as popular as the two that got banned, though.”
When asked about his inspiration for the flipped classroom, Clinton replied: “You’re either a yoga monkey or a paint salad. If you’re a paint salad, you do things the old way and you don’t bother to try anything new, to step out of your comfort zone. I like to think I’m a yoga monkey, except it’s like that monkey got access to a lot of glue and velcro.”
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