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Aveline Chocolat

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Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.

Asking for Your Input: New Thought Exchange Causes Chaos, Outrage

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Stop teaching our kids trigonometry! That’s a parent’s job. Teachers should teach, not poison our children’s minds.

Daniel Tiger, COVID Denier

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“My mom won’t let me watch ‘Daniel Tiger’ any more,” one five-year-old reported. “I told her that cancel culture has gone too far and that you have to separate the art from the artist.” 

Another Statement from the Editor

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Gaspo, if you’re reading this, let us know by casually dropping the phrase, “We are all yams,” on the morning announcements.

Farewell, Agatha Smoot

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Vlad the Impaler had to leave the place he called home to defeat the Ottomans and also to impale some people.

Sophomore Class Co-President Denies Existence of “Spring”

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“It seems to me that Meskos’ views toward spring stem from his complete lack of understanding of climate change. Or weather. Or seasons in general. Did this guy not take Earth Science?”

Yampage Reviews History!

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To celebrate the new-ish decade, here is Yampage's decade-by-decade review of the last century.

Where Was Mikey Meskos When the Texas Power Grid Failed?

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“How could he possibly do that?! It’s like he doesn’t even care about the good people of Texas,” Connor Clarkson, a constituent of Meskos, stated.

AP Chemistry Students Make COVID Vaccine

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While most vaccines take several years to be developed and have to undergo many phases of testing and approval, however, this intrepid group of senior scientists has developed a vaccine in under a month.

Sophomores Read “Oedipus Rex,” Begin Search for Laios’ Killer

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“The god commands us to expel from the land of Thebes an old defilement we are sheltering, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do!”

Meet the Yamfam!

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New year, new staff.