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Aveline Chocolat

Aveline Chocolat
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Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.

Sophomores Traumatized by The Social Dilemma, Check Social Media to Cheer Up

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“I posted about how much the documentary freaked me out on my Twitter and I got 20 likes!” Kai Brutsaert reported. The aforementioned post read: “So scared about the apocalypse or the end of civilization or whatever :( #socialdilemma #socialmediaisruiningourlives #tgif.”

Learning from History: JD’s New Covid Testing Procedure

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Astute scholars of US history may be thinking that this new plan sounds an awful lot like the Salem Witch Trials. In these assumptions, these scholars are very nearly correct. These are the Salem Witch Trials.

Sophomore Class Presidential Candidate’s Tax Scandal Revealed

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At press time, Meskos could not be reached for interviews, but his overworked and highly caffeinated campaign team assured voters that he would not be withdrawing from the race.

A Statement from the Editor

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In these unprecedented times, we at Yampage are determined to bring only the most reliable news stories to JD students, teachers, and alums who have nothing better to do.

Students Heartbroken Over Potential TikTok Ban

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“The loss of TikTok will leave a giant music note shaped hole in the hearts of the JD community,” Mr. Gasparini told the entire school over the loudspeakers.

“I’m Trying,” Says Dr. Smith

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Schools all over the world are having to rethink how they run and JD superintendent Peter Smith has a unique plan for the coming school year. “Look, it’s become...

Bored Teens Finding New Ways to Pass Time

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“I built a time machine!” senior Abby Morgan told reporters, “I used old car parts and a jump rope! I’m going to go back to 2015 and it’s gonna be great! It’s gonna be great,” she repeated, assuring herself that, yes, this was a good use of her time.

BREAKING: Who Will Be the Next Editor of Yampage?

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Yamfam, we regret to inform you that Guiseppe Baxter will not be returning as editor for the 2020-2021 school year. It came as a shock to us here at YamPage as well, but he has decided to return to the high stakes world of Rasputin impersonation. To choose the next editor, Mr. Baxter has devised an elaborate set of competitions.

Kindergarteners Feel Left Out

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Many kindergarteners have picked up magic markers and made their own yard signs in protest of the signs distributed to seniors. One sign on Hamilton Parkway reads, “hOm off a JD kinder gardener.” Another reads, “My favorit coler is PINK!!!”

Top Ten Places to Hide from Your Family

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They’ll never find you.