An Announcement Regarding Budget Cuts and “Raid: Shadow Legends”

Despite the great number of witty and insightful articles that have been published over the last few months, YamPage has been put on the district’s list of possible budget cuts. Some of our more astute readers might make note of the fact that we currently have no budget and ask how could a budget of nothing be reduced any further. The answer is simple: the school will start taking away our money, presumably to fund the Blue Hall construction. According to our sources in Dr. Smith’s office, the ongoing construction in the Blue Hall has continued to use up more and more funding, like a parasite slowly sucking the budget dry. With your help, we can avoid this issue and pretend it doesn’t exist.

You can support YamPage in a myriad of ways: holding a bake sale or other fundraiser, asking your parents for money, taking out a loan for us in your name, robbing a bank, or just donating to us directly. We greatly appreciate any support you can offer so that we can continue to bring you the hard-hitting investigative journalism you crave. As a final note, we’d like to notify you that YamPage has gotten a corporate sponsor to help mitigate the loss of budget. This article will be followed by an advertisement for Raid: Shadow Legends. If you have been diagnosed with good taste, please consult your doctor before viewing it.

Today’s article is sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends, one of the biggest, totally free mobile role-playing games of 2019! Currently almost 10 users have joined Raid in the last six months, and it’s one of the most impressive games in its class with detailed models, environments, and smooth 60 frames per second animations! All the champions in the game can be customized with unique gear that changes your strategic buffs and abilities! The dungeon bosses have some ridiculous skills of their own and figuring out the perfect party and strategy to overtake them is a lot of fun! Currently with over 30 reviews, Raid has almost a perfect score on the Play Store! The community is growing fast and the highly anticipated new faction wars feature is now live; you might even find the YamPage squad out there in the arena! It’s easier to start now than ever with our rates program for new players which allows you to get a new daily login reward for the first 90 days that you play in the game! So what are you waiting for? Go to the YamPage site, click on the special links and you’ll get 50,000 silver and a free epic champion as part of the new player program to start your journey! Good luck and we’ll see you there!

Jimothy Rivers
Archbishop Lieutenant Director Professor Doctor Jimothy Rivers has previous work experience as the archbishop of Winnipeg, a lieutenant in the Royal Canadian Navy, the director of the National Postal Museum in Washington D.C., a professor of golf management at Idaho State University, and as a dermatologist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester. In his free time he enjoys playing a variety of sports, with his favorites being extreme ironing and combat juggling. He is currently retired from all of his jobs except teaching at Idaho State and writes articles for YamPage in between classes, hoping to gain another title. He can be reached through his unpaid intern Bohdin Bright ('23) with questions about his articles or extra credit opportunities.