Administration Adjusts Plan to Combat Bathroom Vaping

As students know, many of the bathrooms are currently closed to combat recent spikes in vaping activity. However, after the school had an incident involving an anonymous junior’s futile attempt to find an open bathroom, the administration realized they forgot one crucial piece of information: Students gotta go.

“We realized we needed to give the students a way to relieve themselves during school hours,” Mr. Nylen stated in an interview, “We think we’ve come up with the perfect solution.”

Over the morning announcements, Mr. Gasparini shared his plan to dig one gender neutral hole in the middle of the Four Corners. Students would be allowed to urinate into this hole during or after the school day. 

Construction on the chasm began and ended on January 8, with it taking about forty-five minutes for the janitor to dig a hole in the hallway. By the end of the day, the crater was fully functional. Students were pleasantly surprised and described the hole as being unexpectedly hygienic and as having a large supply of name brand toilet paper.

“I was expecting to find a disgusting bacteria filled pit, but it was actually quite nice. There were even copies of magazines to read while using the hole!” One sophomore said.

“I’m not especially proud of what I did,” said the anonymous junior whose accidental urination gave us the beloved cavity, “but I’m glad it caused change.”

In other news, the hole has now been closed due to students leaving class to vape around it.

Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.