Hi, there!

Welcome to our wonderful J-DHS community! We’re so excited to have you! Our school is a little different from most, so here are a few tips and tricks to navigate J-DHS.

Before going to your first class, you’ll need to stop by the Counseling Center where you will receive a microchip via injection that will allow administrators to track you at all times! Side effects of the injection may include dizziness, nausea, and the inability to urinate during the school day.

If you need to use the bathroom during class, make sure you sign out! School policy dictates that you’re not allowed to leave class during the first 41 or last 41 minutes of the period, so make sure you check the time before leaving!

Remember, the large cameras in the music wing are there for your safety! Make sure to smile as you pass! And also state your full name and student ID number.

In all of the hallways, we have at least three hall monitors. We cut math this year to pay for them!

You may notice several portraits of our Supreme Lord Gasparini in various locations around the school. If you think His eyes are following you, it’s probably because they are!

If you get stopped by one of our seventeen hall monitors, you’ll need to show multiple proofs of identification, so make sure you have your driver’s license, passport, and hall pass easily accessible.

One of the best things about J-DHS is the wide range of clubs students can participate in! From Drama Club to CodeRams to our secret police force, you’ll be sure to find something that strikes your fancy!

We at J-D are constantly improving, which means constantly hiring new hall monitors. If you notice your schedule has changed, it’s probably because we cut Social Studies in order to hire a new hall monitor.

After our student newspaper, RamPage, was forced to shut down after an article criticizing the sheer number of hall monitors, YamPage became the only reliable news source at the school. Be sure to read our articles!

That’s all you need to know before you start at J-DHS! Good luck with your first day at our beautiful school! You’re going to need it.

Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.