Everyone knows the terrible room that is a gym locker room, not nearly enough privacy, the smells that remind you of your weird uncle’s house, and no means of actually keeping your clothes safe. On an unrelated note, if anyone has found a black t-shirt with a badly drawn horse head on it please return it to me immediately, it was stolen 20 years ago in my high school changing room in Illinois. 

So surely anyone would be relieved to no longer be subjected to that humiliation and assault against their nostrils. But perhaps we were too quick to assume such a decision was made with such positive intentions. 

Through much snooping, most of which being done legally, and cherry picking information from multiple interviews that may or may not have been related to the topic at hand, a conclusion has been reached that the locker rooms are far from abandoned. The locker rooms are in constant use by staff, who have used school funds to buy a collection of beds and fairy lights to create a nap nook for exhausted staff. 

YamPage refused to sleep on this discovery and began grabbing quotes from concerned and intrigued students and staff at the high school. A quote from a student of Jamesville DeWitt High School who prefers to stay anonymous claims that the prospect of the nap time nook is “totally, probably true.” And when asking principal, Gregory Lawson, about such findings he gently yelled “get out of my office.” Most likely attempting to stop the truth from being revealed so students don’t mess up their cute nook. 

It has also been assumed that this naptime is why staff always seem so energized in the morning, this is further proven by an unnamed JD teacher commenting how they “don’t understand how students are always so tired!” While they know very well exactly why the students are so tired and why they aren’t. This could also very well be the reason students find their teachers showing up late to their classes occasionally, no doubt having slept through their naptime alarm. 

This discovery is truly shocking and has led to a push for a rebellion against the unfairness and hypocrisy of the JD staff. It has been encouraged that JD students sleep through their classes as a way to push the staff to include the students in on their naptime nook. If these methods are left without any change it has been rumored that the idea of a strike has been stewing in the growing annoyance and sleepiness of the students.

Although the general consensus of students is to rise against the tyranny and take a stand by lying down and resting, a few students are concerned of what’s to come. A particularly anxious student says that they hope the whole matter can instead just be “put to rest.”