Did you enjoy the pep rally yesterday? We sure did! There’s nothing quite like school spirit, “Let’s go, J-D” chants, and casting aside academics for half a period to really brighten a person’s day. So, we here at YamPage are excited to be the first to announce the newest list of things that will be pushed aside by the administration to make time for future pep rallies.

10. School Lunches

Why have a period for socializing and nourishment when you could spend that time having a pep rally?

9. Your Doctor’s Appointment Next Tuesday

Who needs an annual physical? You sure don’t! Unless you’re a JV or varsity athlete, that is.

8. The Quadratic Formula

Nobody likes the quadratic formula or math in general. But everyone likes sports! Let’s spend those two hours you would’ve spent solving the quadratic formula cheering on some more athletes!

7. Thanksgiving

National holiday? Schmational schmoliday. We should be sharing our gratitude for sports teams with the world throughout the entire year, not just one random day at the end of November.

6. Punctuation and Capitalization

punctuation and capitalization are a waste of time pep rallies are not

5. Clocks

Who needs time? And besides, school clocks are never synced and nobody can read analog clocks anymore. Our days should—and will be—organized solely based on the pep rally schedule.

4. School Wi-Fi

A green flashing dot is a direct threat to school spirit. So is spending your time using the internet for class assignments. Instead, students should be getting outside and breathing fresh air—or crowding into the main gym for a pep rally!

3. YamPage Articles

YamPage is a hotbed for writing and creativity, and who needs those? Also, I heard their articles are fictitious anyway. But you know what isn’t fictitious? The boys’ volleyball team’s record this year!

2. Mesopotamia

I can’t spell Mesopotamia and neither should you! Why are we spending so much time learning about an ancient civilization with too many letters when we could be having another pep rally?

1. Summer Vacation

The fact that sports teams aren’t able to have practices and games for two months is distressing. The fact that for two months we can’t have a pep rally is simply heart-wrenching. No more summer vacation equals more school spirit and more happiness!