Due to record low attendance at the New York State Fair, Mr. Gasparini has decided to bring the state fair directly to J-DHS students during this year’s activity fair.
“The plan here is to kill two birds with one stone—or rather, kill two digestive tracts with one deep-fried Twinkie, if you know what I mean,” Mr. Gasparini told Yampage, with a knowing wink. “As all J-DHS students know, we suffered a great loss last year when both the activity fair and the New York State Fair were canceled, so I thought, what better way to re-introduce students to the amazing clubs and activities here at J-DHS as well as the greatness of the Great New York State Fair than to combine the two!”
Currently, various clubs are fighting over which food stand, ride, and/or exhibit to commandeer and rebrand as their own. Yampage has snatched the baked potato stand which we are proudly rebranding to serve baked yams (which are really microwaved because, after quarantine, our staff has yet to re-learn how to use any other cooking device). The Mock Trial Club has taken over the Tilt-A-Whirl and plans to exhibit their skills by holding a trial against the Tilt-A-Whirl and all of its vomit-saturated glory. And Model UN has taken over the Zombie Hotel in order to warn interested students of their predetermined fate as zombies for when they finally finish that first position paper at 3 a.m.
After Mr. Gasparini learned the hard way that ferris wheels cannot fit in gymnasiums, he decided to hold the fair all down Lyndon Fields. To avoid lawsuits, all of the food stands are being placed on the bottom field so that students will have to burn off the calories from their five helpings of fried dough as they walk back up to their buses.
“Now, tell me, is there any better way to demonstrate our status as the best high school in the world than to hold the best activity fair in the world?” While we do believe that replacing all of the cafeteria food with yams would do just that, we’re letting Mr. Gasparini have this victory. “António Guterres would truly be proud,” he finished, a tear springing up in his eye.
