11 Reasons Why High Schoolers Should Take New York State Tests Instead of the Regents

As people take a breath after AP tests, Regents are fast approaching, waiting to creep in. And while us high school students are preparing to suffer, middle and elementary school kids are facing a different battle: New York State Tests.

To many of us, the New York State Test would be a breeze. And given that they and the Regents are both state mandated standardized tests, I beg the question: why are we forced to take regents, when we could take NYS Tests instead?

While that may seem counterproductive, I give you a list of reasons as to why we should get to choose the standardized test we take.

  1. A grade is a grade. No matter what, you’ll end up with a score.
  2. We don’t want to grow up. 
  3. A goat is a goat.
  4. 4th graders have more fun.
  5. 6th graders have less fun. 
  6. It’s actually probably a good review for our regents.
  7. Nobody uses number 2 pencils anymore.
  8. You get a lollipop. 
  9. Naptime.
  10.  Stickers. 
  11. The most important one of all, snacktime. Yams, specifically. 
Asparagus Fern
Asparagus Fern (born 1236 BCE) was a war correspondent stationed in Clipperton Island (a strip of sand off the coast of Mexico) during the Vietnam War. They have since retired and now write for Yampage to “relive the glory days.” Asparagus Fern has been married 700 years to the saguaro cactus Udderly Zucchini. The couple has had quite a lot of plant babies, including the many Christmas trees of Rockefeller Center and Groot. In their spare time, Asparagus Fern enjoys breathing underwater and taming dragons. They play bridge every Wednesday with the local crazy cat ladies. Fern lives near Spiky Olivia, wherever that might be, and refuses to comment if they like asparagus or not. For watering information, contact Paloma Arena (‘25).