When the end of August rolls around and you live in Syracuse, NY, you\u2019re only thinking of two things. Two things that counteract each other. The joy and awful stench of the New York State Fair and the all-mighty, dreaded return back to school. But the fair didn\u2019t smell as bad this year, leaving many to wonder, why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, this is due to a couple of reasons. The most interesting reason is being called the \u201cfeces thief.\u201d At the end of every night, before the fair closes, someone has been going into all the animal stables and stealing the whole floor, hay, and whatever else may be lurking in there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, the most significant issue with this year\u2019s fair would be the fewer number of people in attendance. According to a random person on the side of the road, there were 7 billion fewer people that attended this year compared to previous years. This caused some trouble for business owners that rely on the fair to pay for their bills and unnecessary designer purchases. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A reporter from YamPage went to retrieve statements from business owners and described the experience: \u201cIt reminded me of my 6th grade birthday party: there was nobody there.\u201d And while we can\u2019t reason about our reporter\u2019s lack of friends, we can understand the lack of attendance. The following businesses have allowed us to use their statements: Fred\u2019s Fried Turtle Shells, Socks-on-a-Stick, The Original Fermented Fava Beans, and Everything Chocolate-Covered. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first person our reporter spoke to was Fred Friedson from Fred\u2019s Fried Turtle Shells. Fred tells YamPage, \u201cThis year had the absolute worst outcome in fair history ever since I opened this stand back in 1784.\u201d At this moment, our reporter had to take a step back and let Freidson breathe as he started to bawl his eyes out into a turtle shell. He went on to say, \u201cNot only has business been rocky due to COVID, but our turtle shell supplier ran out of turtles! I went down to the creek myself to catch some, and I really tried, but there was not one single shelled turtle in sight. They were all gone!\u201d Freidson wouldn\u2019t tell us how he kept the shop open, but an eager employee who will not be named for the sake of their job did: \u201cWhen Fred found out there were no more turtle shells being shipped, he had a meltdown and resorted to the cheaper alternative, tortoise shells. Yes, I said it, Fred Friedson had tortoise shells overnighted from the Ivory Coast to keep business running.\u201d They ended their statement by saying, \u201cThe worst part is, the customers never noticed.\u201d Well, they will now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Towards the end of their visit, our reporter noticed a certain shop packing up early, Socks-on-a-Stick. When our reporter asked for a comment from the owner, she insisted they buy a pair of socks first. After the purchase of the $7 socks, owner Linda LouWho told us, \u201cI just don\u2019t know what happened, it\u2019s almost as if people don\u2019t want pre-holed socks anymore.\u201d Linda, we can only imagine why. Linda LouWho went on to say, \u201cWe even got higher quality sticks this year, they\u2019re not even infested with fire ants like usual! Socks-on-a-Stick should\u2019ve been a hit with all of the sock-obsessed millennials, I just don\u2019t know where I went wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After the owner of The Original Fermented Fava Beans overheard LouWho speaking to our reporter, they wanted a piece of the action too. So they flagged down our reporter by throwing raw fava beans at them. Needless to say, it worked. Fava Philanthropy tells us, \u201cAs the only fermented fava bean seller in the world, our truck is always busy. I mean, there is always a line, when I say always, I mean it. But somehow, we\u2019re barely making enough to pay rent on our food truck, I mean the math just isn\u2019t adding up.\u201d When our reporter asked owner Fava Philanthropy why he thinks the math isn\u2019t adding up, he said, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know, why are you asking me? It\u2019s not like I\u2019ve ever passed a math course.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last but not least, we talked to the owner of Everything Chocolate-Covered. From rodents and crickets to potatoes and butter, Everything Chocolate-Covered has your back. The owner (who suggested we leave their name out of the article), tells YamPage that with how business has been at their storefront in Driftwood, PA they almost considered not making the commute for a stand at the fair. \u201cI mean, come on, our name is Everything Chocolate-Covered. We literally have everything, and who doesn\u2019t love chocolate? We even made an extra-large order for new, unnecessary items to dip in chocolate to hopefully draw more business in, but the only thing people have been ordering seems to be our chocolate-covered cheesy mashed potatoes,\u201d says Everything Chocolate-Covered owner. They finished their statement by saying, \u201cBetween the money spent traveling here and how terribly our storefront is doing, I don\u2019t even know if me and my beagle, Cashew, will even be able to make it home to Driftwood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our condolences go out to all of the businesses affected by the lack of billions attending the fair this year. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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