Before you invest in a mask collection as expansive as your shoe collection, we here at YamPage would like to inform you of an alternative that\u2019s about to blow up at JDHS. Some may call them human hamster balls or even their correct name, Zorb Balls, but that\u2019s not the point. These clear balls are about to take over the socially distanced fashion world of JDHS, so you\u2019d better jump on (or rather in) one of these fashionable spheres as soon as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before we get to the recent news, we have to start from the beginning. We\u2019re guessing that you are among the 85.78 percent of the student population (we\u2019re excluding the 14.2 percent of students who somehow have remained utterly unaware of these developments) who claim that this all began just last week. But the truth actually lies within the remaining 0.02 percent of students. Unbeknownst to many, this all began during the second week of school by sophomore Connie Zhang.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Only the students and staff standing in the front entrance at precisely 7:32 AM saw as Zhang walked inside in all her bubb-ular glory. Why, you ask, did more not see Zhang throughout the school day? Well, the sad truth is that immediately after Zhang entered the foyer, she was swiftly escorted into Mr. Gasparini\u2019s office to be \u201ccalmly dealt with.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe rules are simple,\u201d Mr. Gasparini told us the day after this occurrence. \u201cStudents have to wear masks. We can\u2019t have students walking around in giant hamster balls directly disobeying school rules! I calmly dealt with Miss Zhang and that was that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that wasn\u2019t that. Two weeks later, Mrs. Raicht walked into the school building sporting the same human hamster ball that had been so calmly dealt with earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAs soon as it was brought to my attention by Con– I mean as soon as I discovered them completely by myself, I knew I had to jump on the opportunity,\u201d <\/strong>Raicht told us. \u201cWhat can I say, it\u2019s a genius alternative to masks. Now students can see my face so I don\u2019t have to worry about them taking everything I say seriously!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When asked again if she had only stumbled upon these or had actually jumped on someone else\u2019s bandwagon, she, too quickly, remained adamant of her own discovery, adding, \u201cAnd how could I have? How can you explain the two-week gap between these two occurrences, one of which I\u2019m totally unaware of? It\u2019s a total coincidence the ball took two full weeks to ship from New Zealand.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n But why, you ask us, has Raicht gotten away with this while Zhang was calmly dealt with? Well, to put it simply, a fashion hierarchy exists here at JDHS, or in the red hall at least. Raicht is just more fashionable than Zhang <\/strong>will ever be. It\u2019s just a fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But let\u2019s not forget about those remaining students. While a good 14.2 percent of students continue to have no interest at all in these proceedings (and when asked, stared at us confused as if we had just randomly started talking about turning into hamsters or something), the remaining 3.1 percent of students have joined together to form an organization called \u201cStudents Against Those Totally Stupid and Horrendous Hamster Balls\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In an exclusive interview, the founder of this organization, Zhang, said, \u201cI will and always will agree with Mr. Gasparini\u2019s initial ruling. We can\u2019t have students and staff moving about our halls and classrooms in human-sized hamster balls! It\u2019s simply unacceptable! That\u2019s why as soon as the packages arrive from New Zealand, my fellow members and I will be spending every waking school hour popping those stupid bubbles. Mark my words, this so-called fashion phenomenon will not last for long.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n We couldn\u2019t help but ask Zhang for a further explanation of her hatred because, as we also reminded her, she had been wearing one of these balls only a few weeks prior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDoes a woman not have the right to change her mind? Four weeks ago, I was naive, but now I am not. These hamster balls\u2026 oh forget it! These Zorb Balls, as they\u2019re actually called, are unwelcome in our hallways. I don\u2019t care if Heidi Klum walked into the high school wearing one and also, so kindly, forgot to credit the initial fashionista!\u201d Zhang said in quite a huff. \u201cAlso, just so everyone knows, you can buy one on Amazon for Pete\u2019s sake. I don\u2019t even know where you\u2019re purchasing them from that they\u2019re coming all the way from New Zealand. Now, get that microphone out of my face!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, in a quick conclusion, if you\u2019re behind on this new fashion phenomenon and still want to get in on it despite Zhang\u2019s warnings, then as Zhang suggested, go to Amazon and order one now. Or as Mr. Gasparini would say, just calmly deal with your problem some other way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" While it may not seem like we\u2019ve been hit with it yet, when asked if they\u2019d purchased their own, approximately 82.7 percent of students and staff said they had, but are still waiting for theirs to arrive from New Zealand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47,"featured_media":12621,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12620"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/47"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12620"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12620\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12621"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12620"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12620"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jdrampage.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12620"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
As soon as Raicht wore her hamster ball that day, everyone, students and staff, knew JDHS would never be the same. While it may not seem like we\u2019ve been hit with it yet, when asked if they\u2019d purchased their own, approximately 82.7 percent of students and staff said they had, but are still waiting for theirs to arrive from New Zealand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n