The Latest News on J-DHS’s Obscure Clubs

While everyone knows about popular clubs at Jamesville-DeWitt High School, such as the Drama Club, YamPage, Rambunctious, GSA, and Science Olympiad, few people are aware of the numerous smaller clubs hosted at and by J-DHS. This is a report on many of these lesser-known clubs, and what they have been up to unbeknownst to most.

After a failed fundraiser, Art Club is now back to the drawing board.

You already know what happens in the Psychic Club.

I burnt my hands while researching Pyrotechnics Club’s activities and was therefore unable to write my report as a result.

While attempting to research the Discipline Club, I was put in time-out.

Things got out of hand in the Butterfingers Club.

Tropical Fruit Club was enough to make a mango crazy!

In Reflux Club, the same things kept coming up again and again.

The Elevator Club is awful on so many levels.

The Procrastination Club missed the deadline for activity reports.

Oatmeal Cream Pie Club. Is it any good? That’s a Little Debbie-table!

Steer clear of the Spicy Foods Club. Its members are prone to getting jalapeño face!

Rocket Club was out of this world, but then it crashed and burned.

The Carousel Club had me going round and round in circles.

Oxymoron Club is a simple group that fancies themselves a little bit of a big deal.

Silverware Club metaled out at the state championships, but still won gold.

Orchestra students banded together to inform people about the differences between band and orchestra.

Fake News Club says that Principal Gasparini isn’t resigning.

You can join the members of the Scarecrow Club and be outstanding in your field!

I was supposed to write a report on the Apathy Club, but I just didn’t feel like it.

Laundry Club and House Elf Rights Club are collaborating and collecting socks as donations.

Funding for the Swim Team has dried up. Water they gonna do?

The Wildlife Preservation Club has a bone to pick with the Pet Dogs Club.

The Tea Drinkers Club has found themselves in hot water. The club might be bagged. It’s best if we leaf them be.

Disney’s Encanto Club has a new president, but we don’t talk about him.

A shocking new poll has revealed that current Electrical Club members want to go ohm, but face great resistance. As of now, they’ve got their circuits crossed.

The Vegan Club hosted a bean extravaganza. Attendees reported that it was a real gas!

The Meditation Club had me spacing out.

I forgot what they do in the Memorization Club.

Everyone should join the Blindfolded Archery Club; you don’t know what you’re missing!

The Good News Club told me I don’t need to file a report on their club.

Seventy-eight-year-old elven writer Sue Nim, also known as Dough, claims to hold the world record for eating unfried dough and fried dough simultaneously, so long as you respect his wish to not bother fact-checking that tidbit of information. Dough spends his free time attempting to convert his fellow astronauts to Healthaism, writing ukulele songs with only C-natural chords, and recording government-funded videos for students to watch in order to remember the English alphabet. Yes, you should subscribe to his YouTube channel. Situated on the International Space Station, he takes hours of his time to write for the loyal Yampagian readers that are his livelihood. Due to the distance between the ISS and Jamesville-Dewitt High School, Sue has hired a dashing and tall lad called Thomas Vander Molen (‘24) to gather information and bring his eight o’clock coffee every day.