Aveline Chocolat
Aveline Chocolat aka Jeanette Natalia Caramel aka Myrna Smush is a renowned journalist and billionaire. Ms. Chocolat/Caramel/Smush is a two time winner of the Miss Portugal beauty pageant. She won in 1986 and 2014. She has been called the fifth Beatle by people who are not familiar with the Beatles or numbers. She earned a degree in Mongoose Farming from Middle Tennessee State University. She claims she can see the future, but she refuses to give any specifics about her abilities. Despite her deathly yam allergy, she says she is very happy to be writing at YamPage…she also would like to ask “What is YamPage?” She’d call Anka Chiorini (’23) a good friend.
Male Students Way Too Excited to Show Off Weird Facial Hair
“It’s so great to let my beard follicles breathe for once,” Samuel Phillips (‘22) stated, stroking a bizarrely long patch of hair sort of near his chin.
J-D Student Wears Orange Sweatshirt in Support of High School Satirical Newspaper
There’s no “r,” “c,” “u,” or “s” in “YamPage!” It’s almost as if they were spelling “Syracuse” or something!
The Bunyan Who Cried “Quiz”
There once was an APUSH teacher named Mr. Bunyan, who liked to drink coffee and leave concise messages on his board for students to read upon entering class.
The Top Ten Episodes of “The Office” that have Nothing to do with the...
Michael hurts his foot, Dwight gets a concussion, and I might have COVID.
Excellence and Obedience: A New Student’s Guide to J-DHS
In all of the hallways, we have at least three hall monitors. We cut math this year to pay for them!
Asking for Your Input: New Thought Exchange Causes Chaos, Outrage
Stop teaching our kids trigonometry! That’s a parent’s job. Teachers should teach, not poison our children’s minds.
Daniel Tiger, COVID Denier
“My mom won’t let me watch ‘Daniel Tiger’ any more,” one five-year-old reported. “I told her that cancel culture has gone too far and that you have to separate the art from the artist.”
Another Statement from the Editor
Gaspo, if you’re reading this, let us know by casually dropping the phrase, “We are all yams,” on the morning announcements.
Farewell, Agatha Smoot
Vlad the Impaler had to leave the place he called home to defeat the Ottomans and also to impale some people.